I guess everyone noticed I didn’t manage daily. I should have, yet for some reason I thought it would be a better plan to spend the time I would have spent making blog posts staring at my novel and screaming internally.
Once I actually screamed out loud.
This NaNo has been like pulling teeth. Every word is an effort to get out and I don’t know why. I am behind in my word count and actually feeling physical pain at the thought of forcing out more words for this novel. I have tried switching the POV (point of view), the POV character the location, character names, and I even had the same twenty minute scene told from the prospective of three different people. And the cat.
It is not that I don’t know what happens. I do. I have a very clear idea of what happens. They just won’t do it! My main character refuses to have any dimensions beyond the one. Just one. She is very flat. I was actually thinking earlier today that I might have more success if I was drunk. Worse, latter I seriously considered trying it. If it hadn’t been for a lack of a sufficient volume of alcohol to achieve a properly drunk state I probably would have.
It hasn’t been all bad. I have a ten day writing streak going and I am really only a little less than two thousand words behind. Just a good day of writing and I am all caught up! I am not giving up hope for that day to happen either. It will. I’m sure of it. Just like I am sure that what is really going on — what has really got me struggling — is a lack of practise.
I haven’t written anything, at all in over a year. I got out of the habit. That is a bad place to be. There used to be a time when my head was always teaming with ideas and characters and words, so many words, clamouring to get out of my head and onto a page. I ignored them and after a while they just … stopped. All of my reading on the topic says that getting the ideas back is just a matter of doing. You have to be writing to get the ideas to write. An object in motion …
So I am writing. It is terrible writing. It has almost no creativity and the grammar is atrocious. The characters are blah and it flows about as well as a ‘Dick and Jane’ story, but I’m writing!
I have decided to go back to (trying to) updating my blog regularly like I said I would. Writing is writing after all and perhaps a daily warm up before I jump back into my NaNo project will help.
And yes, I am counting these words.